Quotes tagged as "abused-women" Showing 1-30 of 86
"YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER. One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn't rise and your blood shouldn't boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out of you—as will happen to any abused woman from time to time—he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse can make you feel straitjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy." ― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
"The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man's emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm." ― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
"An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he's not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing." ― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
"Shouldn't there be more distaste in our mouths for the abusers than for those who continue to love the abusers?" ― Colleen Hoover, It Ends with Us
"The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: "He's mean." But she knows many ways in which he has been good to her. Friends say: "He treats you that way because he can get away with it. I would never let someone treat me that way." But she knows that the times when she puts her foot down the most firmly, he responds by becoming his angriest and most intimidating. When she stands up to him, he makes her pay for it—sooner or later. Friends say: "Leave him." But she knows it won't be that easy. He will promise to change. He'll get friends and relatives to feel sorry for him and pressure her to give him another chance. He'll get severely depressed, causing her to worry whether he'll be all right. And, depending on what style of abuser he is, she may know that he will become dangerous when she tries to leave him. She may even be concerned that he will try to take her children away from her, as some abusers do." ― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
"... in practice the standard for what constitutes rape is set not at the level of women's experience of violation but just above the level of coercion acceptable to men." ― Judith Lewis Herman
"One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don't seem like abusers. They have many good qualities, including times of kindness, warmth, and humor, especially in the early period of a relationship. An abuser's friends may think the world of him. He may have a successful work life and have no problems with drugs or alcohol. He may simply not fit anyone's image of a cruel or intimidating person. So when a woman feels her relationship spinning out of control, it is unlikely to occur to her that her partner is an abuser." ― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
"It is fine to commiserate with a man about his bad experience with a previous partner, but the instant he uses her as an excuse to mistreat you, stop believing anything he tells you about that relationship and instead recognize it as a sign that he has problems with relating to women." ― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
"Objectification is a critical reason why an abuser tends to get worse over time. As his conscience adapts to one level of cruelty—or violence—he builds to the next. By depersonalizing his partner, the abuser protects himself from the natural human emotions of guilt and empathy, so that he can sleep at night with a clear conscience. He distances himself so far from her humanity that her feelings no longer count, or simply cease to exist. These walls tend to grow over time, so that after a few years in a relationship my clients can reach a point where they feel no more guilt over degrading or threatening their partners than you or I would feel after angrily kicking a stone in the driveway." ― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
"When a man starts my program, he often says, "I am here because I lose control of myself sometimes. I need to get a better grip." I always correct him: "Your problem is not that you lose control of yourself, it's that you take control of your partner. In order to change, you don't need to gain control over yourself, you need to let go of control of her." ― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
"The guarantee of safety in a battering relationship can never be based upon a promise from the perpetrator, no matter how heartfelt. Rather, it must be based upon the self-protective capability of the victim. Until the victim has developed a detailed and realistic contingency plan and has demonstrated her ability to carry it out, she remains in danger of repeated abuse." ― Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror
"The whole thing becomes like this evil enchantment from a fairy tale, but you're made to believe the spell can never be broken." ― Jess C. Scott, Heart's Blood
"People only picked the pretty, sweet-smelling flowers. The ones with thorns were left alone." ― Nenia Campbell, Fearscape
"I wondered about her chicken-and-egg relationship with Dad. Which came first? Her helplessness or his controlling?" ― Justina Chen Headley, North of Beautiful
"He knew exactly how to hit a woman, so that the marks hardly showed. He knew how to kiss her, too, so that her heart began to race and she'd start to think forgiveness with every breath. It's amazing the places that love will carry you. It's astounding to discover just how far you're willing to go." ― Alice Hoffman, Practical Magic
"I realized I had become wild and undomesticated, living a gypsy life—coming and going from Bernie's. But even the thought about settling down in a cozy home with a dog and a cat, not to mention a person, would cause me to panic, pick up and run away. It's not that I would want to leave. I would have to. The very idea of being settled, I found unsettling. I believed I didn't deserve these things. I felt secure and comfortable getting what I needed on the fly—no commitments." ― Samantha Hart, Blind Pony: As True A Story As I Can Tell
"Do you like it rough? I think so. I think I must. Men are rough, aren't they? Have I always had a taste for rough stuff, or did I acquire that? In the back of Lesley's car, on the floor of a friend's house, half-conscious with my underwear around my ankles? Was it my idea to have him hurt me, or did he just let me think it was?" ― Eliza Clark, Boy Parts
"No matter what, the day didn't feel like Christmas to her.
She remembered years ago, when she had been just a little kid, and the word had been enough to make her happy. Nothing stirred in her now. Her childhood felt like it had been in another life. As she sat alone in her room with tears drying to her face, she resolved that no matter what the calendar said, it wasn't Christmas.
If it was, she'd feel happy, not depressed." ― Kayla Krantz, Survive at Midnight
"Terri had already gotten her panties into a bunch just from one little phone call, so he knew coming at her too much too fast would be more trouble than it was worth. He couldn't exactly beat her into submission, not right away anyway. Although he did enjoy seeing her get all riled up. Nothing tugged at a man's heartstrings like a pair of mascara smeared eyes.
Randy from Spring Cleaning-- Coming Summer 2012" ― Brandi Salazar, Spring Cleaning
"… he (the husband) would stand over her head and tell her there was no place else for her to go, no one wanted her and no one was coming for her rescue. Do you have any idea how bleak, how hopeless and terminal it sounds and feels to be at that point? I got chills just writing about it…" ― Fatima Mohammed, Higher Heels, Bigger Dreams
"You would think that honour has been reconciled to its lexical origins or bravery, glory and honesty. Yet, a special entry in the social glossary has reserved it exclusively to an organ that is safely nestled between a woman's legs, and upon its compromise, which is a common male practice, hell and damnation befall the legs and their owner, never the invader." ― Fatima Mohammed, Higher Heels, Bigger Dreams
"Domestic violence has often gone unnamed and unblamed in my society. It is the norm for men to teach their wives a lesson, and for the women to bear that beating and teaching with no complaints." ― Fatima Mohammed, Higher Heels, Bigger Dreams
"What freedom are we to find when our restless minds are enslaved under the chains of human trafficking?
What freedom do we preach when our females breathe through enraged wounds? They are used and abused, left in caves alienated and bruised.
What is this language we speak of when we talk about the law, since the human right clause is ignored and flawed? Whom is it protecting because here we are protesting?
Isn't this law ought to save the bodies of young females? Isn't this law ought to be brave and remove females from sex frames? Instead, it chooses for women and children to die leaving their loved ones with no goodbyes.
Human trafficking, I say, has made enough money for the day." ― Mitta Xinindlu
"It was more than loneliness, than isolation; it was a feeling of somehow being invisible and transparent at the same time, of sinking & slipping of falling away." ― Gina Troisi, The Angle of Flickering Light
"Because many around us seem to encounter only abuse, they cry out for help as tears roll down their face. Instead of shunning them, you really ought to step in to assist. Why then read this book? Pick it up because it represents a strong voice against all forms of abuse: marital, parental, spousal, physical, and sexual (if not others). Read it with an aim for scrutiny and then draft a review about how it might just touch upon your own experiences. At that point, do the right thing by dropping it off at a safe haven and shelter for victims of domestic abuse or any other form of abuse. You might thereby offer someone encouragement and hope." ― Emiliya Ahmadova, Broken Chains-Razorvanniye Tsepi
"He wrapped his rancid layer of flesh around her beautiful skin. He smothered his will into her weak mind and abused every sense of self she possessed. She was a lost girl before, but now, she was empty." ― D.W. Thomas, His Next Victim
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